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Many of you have come to me with questions about a person that you have been in a relationship with and mysteriously he or she pulled away.
Men often pull away from a relationship when they are having personal challenges. Men are socialized to be "performance oriented".If they feel they are having a challenge in some other aspect of their life,they dont feel as comfortable in an emotional relationship if they are not projecting total strength.
Women have been socialized in different ways than men.
I have seen psychically and spiritually, that you can be causing damage to your personal and spiritual developement by putting yourself on hold and "being patient"and waiting for someone to come back to a relationship.
I am unequivocally against it.
NEVER, NEVER, sit and wait for someone. Why?
Your FIRST and FOREMOST responsibility on the planet right here right now is YOU.
Your FIRST job is the spiritual growth,emotional well being, and evolution of your soul.
When you place your focus on someone else, and "wait",essentially you set that other person up for a lot of responsibility for the happiness and well being of you.
You put your personal,emotional,and spiritual grow on hold, cause you are on hold, waiting for your person,who becomes your "SOURCE".
If we could remember for a moment, that man who we will call JOE, is busy trying to take care of himself,get himself "back on track"
you think, Wow!!..I haven't heard from Joe for a whole week.....Maybe I should call him and see if he is "ok"..... ( interpretation: maybe I should call Joe, so he wont forget me and I hope he isn't seeing anyone else, oh God, I am really gonna DIE if Joe is seeing someone else)..
In reality, you are trying to keep that ANXIETY level from overwhelming you, cause you have placed the responsibility on this man of being YOUR "SOURCE" for your emotional well-being.
ANOTHER WAY TO DO IT:
Put Joe on the back burner. If it is true that Joe is resurecting his emotional stability and he needs to get his life in order~let him go...for now.
PLACE YOUR FOCUS on YOU,TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOU....and begin to look at getting your own needs met in other ways.
Find out what it is that you are needing, emotionally, spiritually, etc.,and then TAKE ACTION TO GET THOSE NEEDS MET.
Put yourself in charge of your life..once you do this and you get this concept~
YOU WILL REALIZE.. THAT being in a relationship with another person means that you must continue to take care of you in every way ...don't get lazy or go back to thinking 'ahhhh....finally Joe is back and he can nurture me again.'
TO BE SURE in all the years that I have been advising others I can tell you that if you are too needy or dependant on the other individual...
YOU WILL get the lesson of SELF RELIANCE...AND It will happen OVER AND OVER until you actually master it. This isn't hard.. it just takes practice.Its really a relief for those who I have counseled. They are realizing that they can actually LET GO OF THE ANXIETY..and just go on with their lives and they are EMPOWERING themselves..as they should be!!
BLESSINGS!
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