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I have often advised my clients regarding the the crucial element of "fighting fairly".
It can defuse an issue in seconds, if you know the right formula...
1.It is always important to "own" your feelings and not point the finger of blame at your partner. "I feel this way when you are doing this.""When you want that,I feel this way".... Take responsibility for your own feelings. After all,you CREATED them.
2. One of my Spiritual Teachers spoke to me once about an "evolved" relationship.
He said,"Remember,there are no 'RIGHTS' or 'WRONGS' in a disagreement:
In reality,there are just DIFFERENCES OF OPINIONS. When you can see the other person as having a difference of opinion, instead of thinking that they are "wrong", you can then negotiate from a position of RESPECTING the other person,and their thoughts.
This in turn will help you to be OPEN to negotiating a SOLUTION.
Take the word "anger" out of your vocabulary. Instead, replace it with one or more of the following: FEAR,HURT,or,FRUSTRATION. Fear, hurt and frustration are the three emotions that are always at the root of anger. (And remember: don't use words like "steamed," "ticked off" or "P.O'ed" in place of "anger." )
HAPPY NEGOTIATING!
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